What? You're going to tell me you don't fear death at all? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't "fear death" in that I'm afraid it's going to hurt or be scary. I worry about the people I will leave behind. Will they be ok? How will they adjust? What if they still need me? I worry about losing the people I love the most!!! What will I do without them? What if they suffer? How will I go on? The idea of losing my husband, my son, my mother... unbearable topics as far as I'm concerned. I can't imagine that kind of loss.
Those of you following me know I've started a journey towards health and fitness. Originally when I started, I focused mainly on those little jeans in my closet I want to eventually fit into. Every day I climb onto that elliptical at 5am. Every day I religiously track every morsel that goes into my mouth. I'm using a website to record how I work out and what I'm eating with the hopes that I'll lose a pound or two each week as I gradually get closer to my goal weight. I use the forums and groups on this website to express frustration, ask questions, or boast success. Today I read a post from a member that really made a lot of sense to me. When I looked up his profile I saw that he blogged and his blog was titled "Living with fear of death". I looked him up and the first blog to pop up was a story about his mother, her diagnosis of Alzheimer's, and her eventual passing. It was a beautiful story. In his post on my weightloss website he asked us... "why are you losing weight?" and answered that his reason was his 9 year old daughter and his desire to walk her down the aisle one day. If you were to ask me... I would tell you that my son is my reason as well. I am scared shitless of leaving my beautiful, kind, smart, funny, precious baby boy before I see him married with children in college or older! I can't control if I develop something like Alzheimer's... but I can control clogged arteries, high blood pressure, diabetes.... I can... and I will.
Thank you for sharing Patrick... you just doubled my motivation. It's ok to fear death... but fear it for the right reasons.
And with that, I will also brag that I am down 10 lbs as of today... I have gotten up at 5am to work out for at least 20 minutes (usually more like 45) for the past 10 days. I have tracked what I'm eating and have stayed within my calorie goal for 11 days straight. I already feel stronger, happier, and in control. I still have a long way to go and it will probably take the better part of a year... but I am committed... if not for myself and those skinny jeans... for my son Holden.